Nighttime Threats
by justmovingon
Summary: After a drug bust gone wrong, how will Tom and Doug’s relationship suffer, and will they get through it without everything falling apart?
1. Chapter 1

Nighttime Threats

Nighttime Threats

--

Chapter 1

"Have you arranged a meeting with the crack dealers, Hanson?" Fuller asked.

Tom looked up from his paperwork and said, "Yeah, Doug and I are meeting them tonight."

"Good," Fuller said, nodding from him to Doug, who was sitting at the edge of Tom's desk. "It'll be a clean bust. Ioki and I will be parked down the street, and another squad car will be on call for backup."

Tom nodded, then looked at his watch. "Doug, we'd better get to school…"

As they collected their coats and made their way out of the chapel, Doug's hand crept down towards Tom's ass, and he slapped it lightly, making the younger cop quietly squeal in surprise and give him a mischievous look.

"Maybe after we get home, we can celebrate another successful arrest," Doug whispered into Tom's ear as he gave a squeeze to his butt. Tom blushed and kissed Doug deeply, replying, "I can't wait."

--

"Yo, Harrison!" someone called out. Tom and Doug looked up from their lunches and saw Jackson, the dealer they'd been trying to bust, coming over to them with a few of his friends. They sat at the table, and Jackson put his arm around Tom's shoulders. He didn't notice the way that Doug shot him a nasty glare.

"Listen, Tommy," Jackson said, glancing at Doug, "We want you to come alone tonight."

Tom frowned. "Doug and I are dealing together. He's gotta be there."

Both Tom and Doug heard a click as Jackson suddenly loaded a gun and pressed it against Tom's side, under the table. "Just you," he snarled into Tom's ear, making him freeze in his tracks. "Doug can wait outside the alley."

Tom nodded in fear. Jackson smiled and got up. "See you tonight."

The rest of them left, and the two police officers shakily made eye contact. "Why the hell does he only want me there?" Tom asked.

Doug just kept his eyes on Jackson's retreating back as he replied, "I just don't like the way he looks at you…"

--

"Be careful, alright?" Doug said to Tom that night as he watched his lover put his gun into his holster. Tom's brown eyes met Doug's hazel ones and he replied, "Don't worry; I can take care of myself."

Tom turned away from his Mustang after Doug got in the car, and he began walking into the alleyway, shivering a bit when he felt the darkness creep in all around him. He reached the end of the alley now, and he just stood there, waiting. Suddenly, someone's hand clapped itself over his mouth, and Tom quickly tried to turn around and defend himself when he felt a violent punch being delivered to his stomach. He doubled over in pain, groaning aloud, but the sound was muffled by the hand that was over his mouth.

"One sound and I'll splatter your brains all over the pavement," a voice said into his ear. Through his pain, Tom realized that it was Jackson.

Within moments, they slammed Tom face-first against the brick wall, and his cheek hit hard off the uneven stone. Pain shot through his head, making him slightly dizzy. He began seriously feeling afraid. He was in no position to defend himself, which was what the Academy taught him to do, and didn't know what was going to happen.

"What do you want?" he asked quietly. He was shoved against the wall again and held in place by two other people. He heard Jackson laugh before he felt his presence right behind him.

"You'll see," he breathed into Tom's ear, making an unpleasant shiver go down his spine. Tom closed his eyes, silently praying that he could get himself out of this.

A hot, wet mouth attached itself to the side of his neck, and Tom uselessly struggled against it, but that made Jackson suddenly bite down hard, drawing blood. Tom cried out, feeling slightly nauseated.

"Stop it," he groaned out helplessly, struggling against the body that was forcefully pressed against his own.

"Shut up," Jackson growled, and someone punched Tom hard in the side. He cried out sharply, almost falling to the ground, but he was kept in place.

He'd never been so scared in his life; his eyes filled with tears, his muscles went weak, and he began shaking slightly.

Suddenly, he felt rough hands pulling at his belt and soon, his pants were torn down his hips. Jackson reached into Tom's boxers and grabbed him roughly, and the young cop felt bile rise up in his mouth. He tried to move away from the hand that was groping him, but it was useless.

"Stop," he said as loudly as he could, but then he felt some rough fabric being shoved into his mouth. He gagged, but it was kept in place.

He heard another laugh just before his boxers were torn down, too.

Tom's unshed tears finally spilled over his cheeks; he was so afraid; what was he supposed to do?

A long groan tore itself from his throat when he felt Jackson roughly enter him. Hot, splitting pain shot up his spine, and he could feel his inner muscles burning at the sheer force of how fast he was breached.

He cried out loudly through the gag, one thought staying in his mind through his pain: _Doug, help me._

--

Doug shivered a bit and rubbed his hands together, wondering what was taking them so long. Earlier on, when they'd made the deal, Jackson had told them that it would be done quickly, not even ten minutes… Doug looked at his watch and frowned. It was coming close to twenty-five now.

Just then, he heard laughter and the sound of running footsteps come out of the alleyway. He reached for his gun as he saw Jackson leading his gang out of the alley, and he frantically looked around for Tom amongst them.

"Where is he?" Doug said loudly.

But they just began running down the street in opposite directions, and Doug heard police sirens begin to wail.

Doug ran into the alleyway, being careful not to trip on anything in the darkness before he reached the end and a light fixture on the back wall illuminated everything. He looked around, faintly hearing some movement on the ground.

"Tom?" he called out anxiously.

He stepped forward.

"_Tom!" _Doug's mouth dropped open in horror when he saw his partner on the dirty ground.

He sank to his knees in front of him and reached out to pull him up, but Tom only let out a choked sob and wrapped his arms around his torso, trying to curl up in a ball, shaking violently.

Doug's eyes traveled down his lover's body, taking in the bruises and how his pants were down at his ankles. Then, further up, his inner thighs had blood on them. His heart immediately swelled with anger at the people who had done this, and at seeing Tom hurt like that. He reached out to stroke his face, whispering, "Oh, Tommy…"

Tom only closed his eyes and cried quietly, uselessly trying to push his sweater down to cover himself up. Doug quickly took off his jacket and placed it so that it covered Tom's lower body just as he heard footsteps approaching them. Fuller came into the light, saw Tom, muttered something under his breath, and turned back around, yelling, "We need an ambulance down here! Hurry!" He ran back up the alleyway.

"Doug…" Tom said weakly. He tried hard to keep his eyes open, but everything was mildly blurry.

"I'm here, it's okay," Doug said, taking Tom's hand in his. He felt like crying when Tom feebly whispered, "It hurts so bad, Doug…"

"We'll get you to a hospital," he promised, relieved when he heard the ambulance's sirens grow near.

Tom finally closed his eyes and let the darkness swallow him.

The older cop merely tried to make sure his lover was covered up as the EMTs put him on a stretcher and into the back of an ambulance. He sat next to him, trying not to look at the big bruise on his cheek or how frail he suddenly seemed. All he could do was hope he could pull through it.


	2. Chapter 2

--

--

Chapter 2

He could feel light flashing through his vision, but he couldn't find the energy to open his eyes. He was completely drained; his entire body was aching.

"Tom? Are you awake?" someone said.

Where was he? Panic suddenly flooded through him, and he quickly pulled away from the hand that was touching his hair.

"No…" he called out quietly.

"Tom, it's okay," the voice said gently, and Tom opened his eyes, waiting until everything came into focus before he settled his eyes on Doug.

"You're okay, thank God you're okay!" the older cop exclaimed, leaning forward and running his hands through Tom's hair.

Fear seized Tom; he jerked away from the other man and tried to get out of the bed, to run away because he knew he would be hurt again.

"Don't touch me!" he yelled, uselessly trying to get away.

"Relax, it's me," Doug said, gently pushing him back into the pillows. Tom's breathing slowed gradually and he closed his eyes for a few moments before he finally looked up and recognized his partner. Doug anxiously looked back at him and whispered, "Tommy?"

Suddenly, tears spilled out of Tom's eyes and he began crying and sobbing. He tried to turn his face away from Doug, but Doug sat at the edge of the bed and pulled Tom up, taking him into his arms.

"Oh, Doug…" he sobbed quietly, falling limp against his chest.

"Shh, you'll be okay," his lover promised, pulling him even closer.

Tom shamefully continued sobbing; Doug's heart began hurting when he heard the soft, wracking noises that came out of his mouth.

After a minute or two, Tom pulled away and lay back against the pillows, still feeling exhausted. He closed his eyes, hating himself for being so afraid. He felt the other cop's hand gently slide into his, and he gave a weak smile, trying to reassure himself as much as Doug.

"The doctors scheduled a medical exam for you after you woke up," Doug told him.

Tom looked over at him nervously. "What are they gonna do?"

"I guess they'll just check for more bruises or broken bones, stuff like that…"

The smaller cop frowned, feeling uneasy. He had always hated other people poking and prodding at him, and the fact that this medical exam would deal with his rape would make things worse.

"You alright?" Doug whispered to him.

Absently, Tom nodded, but then a thought struck him. "Did they catch them?"

His partner sighed. "They got 'em, but Jackson managed to get an alibi for that night, so it'll be tough."

Tom swallowed, turning his eyes to the ceiling. "He's the one that did it."

"Don't worry, I'll give my testimony in court," Doug said. "We'll get him."

The younger cop sighed, then stared back at the ceiling. He took a shuddery breath and blinked away new tears that formed in his eyes, looking ashamed.

Doug leant forward and stroked his lover's hair, murmuring, "You're alright, Tommy. I'm here with you, okay?"

"It's just – I was so scared, I couldn't even move," Tom said, his voice cracking slightly. "I don't think I've ever been that afraid in my life, just knowing that they were in control of me and that I couldn't do anything…"

"I know it must have been horrible. I don't blame you for being afraid of them. But you got through the hardest part," Doug tried to reassure him.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door; it opened, and Fuller, Judy, and Harry walked in, all looking relieved to see that Tom was awake.

Fuller merely nodded to him to show that everything was alright, but Judy sat on the other chair by Tom's bed and gently took his hand, looking into his eyes understandingly. He looked back at her, finally knowing everything she had gone through.

"I'm sorry I blew the case," he said quietly.

"That's the last thing on our minds, Hanson," Fuller told him strictly. "We'll get those guys one way or another."

Tom nodded, becoming uncomfortable with how everyone seemed to be giving him pitying glances. He looked away from them all, trying to make sure the white sheets covered as much of him as possible. He swallowed against the sudden bout of tears that threatened to crest over him.

"Um," he said quietly, "Not to sound rude, but I'm really tired and –"

"Don't worry, Tom," Judy said immediately, getting up. "We just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Thanks." He managed a small smile.

His friends made their way out of the room and after they closed the door, Tom curled up on his side, wrapping his arms around his legs after drawing them up to his chest, as if to protect himself.

Doug's heart thudded painfully in his chest as he studied his lover. Tom's eyes, which were usually bright, shining, brown orbs, were downcast now, refusing to meet his gaze. They were still that lovely shade of brown, but they held a pain and fear in them that betrayed his relaxed expression.

As if Tom had been reading Doug's thoughts, he murmured, "Don't worry about me, you'll make yourself sick…"

That almost brought a smile to Doug's lips. Good ol' Tom Hanson – always thinking of others, never mind the fact that it was he who was lying in the hospital bed.

The older officer reached out and grasped Tom's hand, leaning forward and placing a kiss on each finger before murmuring, "I love you, baby."

Another knock at the door interrupted them. A doctor and nurse came in, both holding clipboards. They looked at Tom, who immediately sat up in bed.

"Mr. Hanson? It's time for your medical exam," the doctor said.

"Can't you let him rest? He's exhausted," Doug said imploringly.

The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry, but we need to collect evidence while it's still there."

Sighing, Tom slowly swung his legs out of bed and into the slippers he found waiting for him. He looked up at the nurse when she pushed a wheelchair towards him.

"I can walk on my own," he said defensively.

They made their way out of the room, with Doug's arm gently wrapped around Tom's waist after noticing that he was limping.

A dull ache started in Tom's lower back and thighs, and he gasped out, "Ow," being careful not to let anybody hear him.

They reached the examination room, at which point Doug asked, "Do you want me to go in with you?"

Tom shook his head, ashamed. "I'll be fine on my own."

His lover nodded. "Okay. I'll be in the waiting room."

After Tom also nodded his head, Doug let the nurse lead him into the room, his last glimpse being Tom's shaking hands before the door shut in front of him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

--

Doug restlessly shifted around in his chair, waiting for Tom to come out. He sighed and leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands, thinking. How could this have happened? He'd always had a bad feeling about Jackson whenever he saw him looking at Tom, but he thought it was harmless. He felt his gut wrenching when the image of Tom on the dirty ground, bleeding and shaking, came into his mind.

He felt someone sit next to him, and he turned his head. It was Judy.

"How are you?" she asked sympathetically.

Doug made a shrugging motion and leant back in his chair. He thought for a bit. "Judy?"

"Hm?"

"How did everything change after… you know?" he asked quietly.

She took a deep breath. "It's going to be different for Tom. He has you. I think he'll be scared for a while, he won't let anyone touch him… don't let him push you away from him." She paused. "He needs to know he's not alone."

"Yeah." Doug nodded his head in agreement. "I'm just so worried about him… you know he hates to cry, and that's the best way to get it out, right?"

"It's different for everybody," she replied quietly. "But trust me, just let him know you're there for him, and he'll feel more at ease. After all, you're the most important person in the world to him, aren't you?" She smiled lightly.

"Doug?"

Doug looked up, startled, and saw Tom, dressed in his regular clothes, a blank look in his eyes.

"Can we go?" the younger officer asked him.

Quickly, Doug and Judy got up, Judy went her own way because her car was parked on the other end of the hospital, and Tom and Doug set off down the hall.

"How was it?" Doug asked once they were waiting for the elevator.

Tom looked down uneasily before he replied, "Fine."

Doug didn't want to press the matter, so he let it drop as they entered the elevator.

How was he supposed to deal with this?

--

"Did Fuller tell you that you can have a few days off?" Doug asked.

Tom nodded his head wearily. "He wanted to give me two weeks, but I just took one," he said, but he noticed the look of concern that creased itself onto Doug's face, so he forced a smile and added, "It'd drive me crazy if I was stuck in here for two weeks."

Nothing had crossed his mind for the entire day other than the fact that he would have to describe everything to a courtroom full of people. It was stupid of him to be thinking about that since it was two weeks away; he knew that, but he _hated_ that everyone had to know what happened.

"Tommy?"

Tom blinked and looked over at Doug.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, frowning.

The younger man nodded. "I'm gonna go to bed," he said as he stood up from the couch. "To sleep," he added, feeling a bit of panic rise up inside him when Doug got up as well.

"I'm not gonna ask for sex after what happened," Doug said bluntly.

"I know," the dark-haired officer said. He paused for a few moments, thinking. "Look, it shouldn't be awkward between us, Doug…"

Doug nodded and gently pushed Tom in the direction of their bedroom, replying, "Then let's go to bed, because you're dead tired."

--

Something hit Doug hard in the side, and he woke abruptly, turning over to look at Tom, who had apparently elbowed him, but was still sleeping.

Doug was about to close his eyes when he heard Tom cry out quietly.

"Stop…" he gasped out, barely heard.

Doug watched with unease as his lover curled up on his side, his breathing getting weary and torn.

"Tom?" he said quietly, not wanting to startle him.

A pained look crossed the younger man's features and he gasped out, "Stop…"

Doug reached out and shook Tom's shoulder, knowing that he was probably having a nightmare about what happened.

"Doug," Tom mumbled piteously, "Help…"

He began thrashing around in bed, fighting off the imaginary attackers as Doug sat up and grabbed his wrists, shouting, "Tom, wake up!"

Finally, the young man opened his eyes, wildly looking around before realizing that he was in his bedroom. A helpless look grew on his features and he let himself drop back onto the pillows as he let out a shaky, barely-concealed sob.

"You're okay," Doug reassured him, lightly squeezing his hand. "You're okay now, it wasn't real…"

The words barely got through to Tom. Images flashed through his mind – being thrown at the brick wall, a hand closing over his mouth, the feeling of an unwanted body pressed against his own –

He closed his eyes, forcing himself to concentrate on Doug as the older officer quickly got up and turned on the light, immediately going back to his side.

Tom sat up against the headboard and looked down at the bedsheets tangled all around his body.

"I hated it," he whispered.

"What?" Doug asked gently.

"When they took me into the exam room," he replied, not making eye contact with his lover.

When Doug didn't say anything, Tom went on, "They told me to take off the scrub pants and gown after they looked at the bruise on my face. And I did – I took off the last piece of dignity I had." He now even refused to face Doug, and so instead tilted his head down until he was looking at his hands fidgeting in his lap. "And they took so many pictures for the medical records, I –" his voice shook, "I _hated_ it, I hated every second of it. They were just _looking_ and I felt so damn useless, just standing there in front of them all…" He buried his face in his hands, taking a deep, shuddering breath as the memories overtook him.

"_Mr. Hanson, now if you could turn around please," the nurse said. _

"_Why?"_

"_Pictures for the medical record," she explained._

_Gritting his teeth to make sure his tears didn't spill onto his cheeks, he slowly turned, closing his eyes when he heard the 'Click' of the camera. _

"_Now lie down on the table," the doctor said. _

Tom wrapped his arms around himself, wanting the floor to open up and swallow him. He kept his eyes open, though, because he knew what he would be met with if he closed them.

Without a word, Doug retrieved a thick blanket from the closet and draped it around Tom's body, shifting to sit in the middle of the bed before pulling his lover onto his lap and wrapping his arms around him. Tom put his head on Doug's chest, exhausted, but keeping his eyes open.

"I hate this," he murmured brokenly.

Doug only made himself comfortable and ran his hand through the other man's dark hair. "I know, baby…" he whispered. "I know."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"You ready, Tom?"

"Yeah, give me a moment."

Tom looked into the mirror and surveyed the fading bruise on his cheek. He sighed. They'd been asked to go downtown to identify Jackson and his group for the upcoming trial.

He put his jacket on and joined Doug at the door. "Okay, let's go."

--

Tom stared through the two-way mirror, an icy feeling gripping his heart as he saw the person who had raped him. Jackson was looking comfortable in the chair while Judy sat across from him, looking irritated.

"Baby, I didn't do nothin' but scare that bitch cop," he drawled, sending Judy a smirk across the table.

Beside Tom, Doug cracked his knuckles and muttered under his breath.

"That's him," Tom said quietly, nodding to the police officer standing in the room with them, holding a clipboard.

Inside the interrogation room, Jackson was refusing to answer Judy's questions, looking behind her and through the mirror, as if he knew Tom was there.

The young cop stepped back, suddenly afraid. Judy stood up, shouting, "Don't look out there, look at me!"

"Is he there?" Jackson asked maliciously, looking behind her again.

"Can we go?" Tom asked, turning away from the window.

"Hanson, you better tell 'em!" Jackson shouted, sounding deranged. "I'll get you one way or another!"

"Can we leave, please?" Tom asked Doug, closing his eyes to clear his head.

As Doug reached to grab Tom's hand, Jackson pushed past Judy and swore, "I'll make you pay!"

"Doug, please, let's go," Tom begged, trying to keep himself calm. Doug wrapped his arm around Tom's shoulders and led him away, Jackson's voice still ringing in their ears.

--

He nervously sat in the psychologist's office, waiting as the man finished reading his report.

"So, Tommy –"

"Tom. It's just Tom," he interrupted the man firmly.

"Alright- Tom," the doctor replied. "Well, I'm Dr. Williams. Your Captain has made a few appointments for you over the next little while."

"Okay."

"So, the case you were working on had some pretty tough guys, huh?"

"To say the least," Tom replied bitterly.

"And what happened?"

"You know what happened," the young officer said, glancing at the report.

After realizing that the man was going to make him say it, Tom uncomfortably looked down and murmured, "They attacked me."

The man folded his hands on top of the young cop's file and replied, "How did it happen?"

"They… they just…" Tom tried to keep steady eye contact with him, but it was impossible. "They grabbed me and pinned me against the wall, and their 'leader' did it."

The doctor spent a few moments writing notes onto a paper, then looked back up at Tom.

"Weren't you with your partner… Officer Penhall?"

Tom shook his head. "No, Doug was waiting outside the alley."

"It says here that you and he also have a personal relationship."

The dark-haired cop nodded.

"How is Doug taking this whole situation?"

"Um, he's fine, I suppose. Worried about me."

"Why?"

"I keep having nightmares."

"What kind of nightmares?" the man prompted.

Tom sighed. "Always about that night. And it starts out the same, but in the dreams, Doug isn't there with me."

"Well, that could translate to you feeling that Doug is your protector in your conscious mind," the doctor offered.

Tom shrugged his shoulders, feeling himself not react to the fact that the man in front of him implied that he couldn't take care of himself.

"Well, Mr. Hanson," Dr. Williams said, closing the file and standing up, "I believe you're going to get through this without too much trouble. It's always a rough situation, so your next appointment is in two weeks."

"Okay, thank you, Doctor," Tom replied, standing up as well and shaking his hand.

On his way out of the office, he kept wondering, _Maybe I can't take care of myself. I probably could have defended myself if I tried…_

Mind reeling with fresh thoughts, Tom Hanson walked to his car and drove home in silence.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

He stood in the shower for what felt like ages that morning, wanting to wash away every thought that had been racing through his mind for the past few days. The feeling of uncleanliness was plaguing him, and his skin had turned red from where he had scrubbed it so much.

There was a knock at the bathroom door.

"Tom?" He heard Doug's voice call out.

"Yeah?" Tom answered.

"Do you want me to wait so we can drive over together?"

"No, you can go ahead. I don't wanna make you late."

"Alright," Doug replied. "See you later."

Tom waited until he was sure Doug had exited the apartment before he turned the shower off and stepped out of the tub, wrapping a towel around his waist. He wiped off the steam that had collected on the bathroom mirror and surveyed himself again; the bruise under his eye was almost completely gone, but the bite mark on his neck was still there, reminding him of Jackson's rough hands pushing him against the wall; hot, rancid breath against his ear…

He looked away from his reflection, feeling shame boil up inside him again. Quickly, he walked out of the bathroom and dressed, not casting one more look at another mirror as he made his way out of his apartment and drove to the chapel.

--

Doug tiredly looked over the report on his desk, distracted whenever anyone walked into the chapel, hoping it was Tom.

"Damn it, Tommy; where are you?" he mumbled to himself.

He'd noticed how closed-off his lover was; he understood if he didn't want to jump into things too soon, but what troubled him was the way that Tom never told him anything. Nothing about his nightmares, doctor appointments, _nothing_. The thought that maybe Tom didn't love him anymore had been nagging him for a few days; Doug refused to admit it, but it was quickly overtaking his thoughts.

He sighed and put his head in his hands, feeling his heart jump into his throat as he contemplated the fact that Tom could leave him at any moment.

"Hey Penhall, you alright?"

He looked up and stared at Judy as she sat at the edge of his desk, a concerned look on her face.

"This whole thing… it's really shaken up our relationship. Now I'm thinkin' he doesn't want to be with me anymore, Jude. He's pulling away from me…"

She gave him a sympathetic look and replied, "It might feel like that now, but just make sure that he knows you'll be there for him."

Out of the corner of his eye, Doug saw Tom walk into the chapel. Judy went back to her work and Doug smiled at Tom as he walked past him to get to his own desk. The younger cop briefly returned the smile before his eyes seemed to fill with the familiar hurt and fear when he let his thoughts swallow him whole.

He felt wretched for not being more understanding, but how was he supposed to if Tom didn't tell him anything?

Knowing it would eat him alive unless he talked to his lover, Doug made his way towards Tom's desk and said, "Hey. Uh, can we talk?"

Tom looked up, putting his report back onto the desk. "Sure."

They walked up the stairs that led to the lockers and, after making sure they were alone, Tom sat down on a bench and looked up at Doug.

The older officer began pacing, trying to think. "Look, I -… it seems like you don't trust me anymore, Tom."

The dark haired young man looked down at the floor. "What do you mean?"

"You're not telling me anything," Doug stated, not bothering keeping the hurt out of his voice. "And I care about you so much, Tommy – you know that. You know I love you –"

"Stop, Doug. Just –" Tom put his head in his hands, and Doug could hear him trying not to sob. "Please," the younger cop begged, "Don't think I don't trust you, I just… don't know how to deal with this…"

"That's why I'm trying to help you," Doug replied, "And I get it, I understand what you're going through –"

"No, you fucking don't get it!" Tom suddenly cried out, standing up and glaring at his lover. "You don't get that every time I close my eyes, I see _him_ ripping my clothes off me! You don't 'get' that every time someone puts their hand on my shoulder, I want to cry because it reminds me of him, and you don't understand that I don't know how to deal with this!"

Doug, instead of feeling angry, as he had expected, found that the words echoed in his head – he never realized that whenever he slid his arm around Tom's waist or took his hand, that he was _scared_.

"Okay," he said softly, noticing that Tom was now angrily wiping his cheeks. "It's obvious we both need some time to think, so I'm gonna spend the night at Judy's."

With that, he turned and made his way down the stairs, not noticing the helpless look that flashed across Tom's features.

-

He couldn't concentrate on anything for the rest of the day; it was worse that now Doug was avoiding him, and Tom knew very well that he couldn't live without Doug Penhall, the goofball who was funny, sweet, romantic, and utterly perfect for him.

--

"I'm so stupid," Tom said aloud to himself. He was lying under the covers in bed, it was almost 3 o'clock in the morning, and he hadn't slept at all. Doug was the one who would gently wrap his arm around his waist and get him to finally fall asleep, and _Doug_ was the only one who could calm him down after having a nightmare…

And he hurt him. He hurt Doug, the only person who really mattered to him.

Tears formed in his eyes, and he whispered, "I'm sorry…" before turning onto his side and admitting that he'd never calm down without him.

He finally got out of bed and made up his mind to call Doug, who was probably sleeping on Judy's couch at the moment. He pulled up the blinds of his bedroom window and looked out at the dark street outside, wondering if he should drive over to Judy's instead of calling her and waking her up. The night was quiet, there were only a few cars parked on the street, and there was nobody in sight.

But then a figure leaning against the hood of a car caught Tom's eye. He leant closer to the window and studied the figure of a man seemingly waiting for something. Then he turned.

Tom's heart almost stopped dead in his chest.

Jackson.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Court is in order, everybody please sit."

Tom nervously sat next to his lawyer in the nearly full courtroom, making eye contact with nobody. Doug was sitting with Fuller, Judy, and Ioki in the row right behind his chair, and Jackson and his lawyer were a few meters away from them, sitting at their own table.

After everybody had been sworn in, the judge read out the charges, and Jackson's lawyer, a sharply-dressed man in his forties with cold, impassive eyes, stood up.

"Officer Hanson, could you please take the stand?"

Tom stood and made his way behind the wooden platform and sat, turning his eyes onto the man now in front of him.

"Is it true, Officer Hanson, that you made a drug deal with my client?"

Tom looked at him. "Yes. I'm an undercover off-"

"Thank you," the lawyer interrupted him firmly.

"Objection, your honor," Tom's lawyer said, standing up and looking imploringly towards the judge. "My client has the right to say that since he is an undercover officer, in order to make a drug arrest, he has to 'buy' drugs from the suspect."

The judge nodded and turned towards the other lawyer. "I'll trust you not to interrupt the people on the stand, is that understood?"

Angrily, the man nodded before turning back to Tom. "My client has filed charges against you for entrapment, and in reality, is that not what you did? Lure my client into a trap set against him?"

"No, I didn't. He approached me and my partner with drugs and offered them to us. He set the time and place, and it was his choice to do so."

"But don't you agree that if he knew you were police officers, he wouldn't have done it?" the man asked.

Tom's mouth dropped open in disbelief, and he heard Doug snort quietly from his seat next to Fuller, who looked annoyed.

Before Tom could answer, Tom's lawyer stood and approached the bench.

"Please describe what happened, Mr. Hanson."

Tom momentarily closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. When he opened them, he made the mistake of finding Jackson's eyes maliciously staring at him. He looked away.

"I went to the alley where we agreed to do the drug deal. Two of them attacked me and punched me in the face and stomach before pinning me to the wall. I had no opportunity to defend myself, and he –" he flicked his gaze over Jackson – "sexually assaulted me."

There were a few murmurs heard inside the courtroom before Jackson's lawyer rounded on him again. "But were you not with your partner?" He swept his hand over the room to point at Doug.

"No, I was not. Jackson had specifically asked for me to be there alone."

"Were you armed?"

"Yes."

"Surely," the man smirked at him, "a trained police officer such as yourself could defend himself against a high school boy."

Tom glowered at him, but kept his mouth shut when his lawyer began to talk. "According to my records, the accused client is over five inches taller than Officer Hanson, and over thirty pounds heavier. Not to mention that he was with a group of other 'high school boys' of the same build."

Jackson's lawyer seemed undeterred by this statement, and he said, "You insist that my client sexually assaulted you, Mr. Hanson?"

"I don't insist that he did it, he _did_ do it," Tom practically growled.

"We have an eyewitness that says he did not," the man proclaimed.

Before anyone had a chance to react, Doug jumped up from his seat and yelled, "That's bullshit! Ten police officers saw him running from the alley that night!"

"Order in my court!" the judge called out, pounding his gavel upon the surface of his desk a few times. Judy pulled Doug back down, scolding him quietly.

"Now," the judge said, "Why hasn't this been brought to my attention in the charges stated?"

"The witness refuses to appear in public."

This statement almost made Tom laugh; Jackson really had no defense. The judge seemed to be thinking the same thing, for he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before announcing, "Michael Williams, Terry McGrath, and Joseph Wells, I sentence you to six months in prison for assault on a police officer and illegal handling of marijuana, cocaine, and heroin."

He calmly put his papers down and finished with, "We will resume trial tomorrow at noon." He banged his gavel twice on the surface of the bench and stood, as did everyone else in the courtroom.

A huge weight had been lifted off Tom's chest; relief flooded through him and he smiled as he walked back around the bench and towards Doug. But then anxiety and guilt washed through him when he remembered that he hadn't told anyone about seeing Jackson outside his apartment building.

"This is great!" Doug said to him, sounding happy as he watched the three high school boys – more like 20 year-olds who had failed one too many times – being led out of the courtroom. "After the trial tomorrow, they'll all be behind bars and we can get our lives back on track."

Tom gave a small, uneasy smile and looked down at the floor. Doug scratched the back of his neck and added, "Look, uh… do you wanna go home and talk?"

The younger cop nodded gratefully. Living without Doug had been hell in more ways than one. He looked up at his lover and replied, "Alright. The Mustang's parked in the back, so I'll –"

"I'll just come out when I'm finished with Fuller," Doug said, gesturing to their Captain.

Tom nodded again, and Doug turned to go. "Wait, Doug," he suddenly called out.

The older cop turned back around.

"Thank you."

He knew he'd be better once he talked to Doug; it was as if the other cop was his other half, and he hated pushing him away and hurting him.

Tom exited the courtroom, feeling as if things were finally beginning to work themselves out.

He walked across the deserted parking lot, feeling around his pockets for his keys, not hearing the hurried footsteps approaching him until it was too late. An arm wrapped itself around Tom's waist and a hand closed over his mouth. Tom yelled in surprise and struggled fiercely, but Jackson's voice growled, "You made a lot of mistakes in that courtroom today, Hanson."

Tom's eyes widened in fear, and he cried out as Jackson threw him against the hood of his car, still keeping his grip tight on him. Tom kicked, trying to aim for Jackson's stomach, but the other male easily overpowered him, closing his hand over the young cop's throat and forcing his thighs apart with his knee.

"No, get off –" Tom cried out, feeling the sickeningly familiar feeling grab hold of him again. "Get off me!"

"No way, Hanson – I've been thinking about how good I felt that night," Jackson snarled while ripping Tom's belt away from his pants. "How good I felt pressed against your –"

Tom suddenly twisted one arm out of Jackson's grip and aimed a punch at his face; his fist connected with Jackson's cheek, but the bigger of the two merely pushed Tom back down onto the hood of the car, using all his body weight to keep him pinned.

Tom couldn't find his voice anymore; he couldn't handle it again, he knew he couldn't. Silent tears made their way down his face, and he hated himself even more. He couldn't defend himself against the person who haunted his dreams every night. Doug's face appeared in his mind, and Tom felt guilty – he could never ask Doug to put up with any of this anymore.

He closed his eyes and braced himself, knowing he was completely alone.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_He closed his eyes and braced himself, knowing he was completely alone._

He couldn't even really hear what was going on; all that was running through his head were thoughts of how he could hide it from Doug when it was all finished.

Doug…

Tom turned his head to the side and closed his eyes as his pants were torn down his hips. There was no way he could ever tell Doug about this.

"TOM!"

He heard Jackson shout out something before his weight was lifted off him. Tom forced himself to open his eyes, and was met with the sight of Jackson and Doug in a heated fight. Doug had tackled Jackson, and how Jackson's hands were at Doug's throat while Doug brought his hand back and made a fist, and aimed a punch at the side of Jackson's head.

Both of them fell to the ground, and Tom watched in horror as they rolled around on the pavement, punching and kicking at each other. But Doug soon gained the upper hand; just as Jackson pulled out a dagger, Doug reached into his holster and put his finger on the trigger.

Tom shut his eyes and sank against the side of his car; the gunshot was loud.

Within moments, he heard Doug come towards him, his voice calling out, "Tom, look at me."

Tom didn't move, but he let Doug's arms pull him close to his lover, and he quickly hid his face against Doug's chest, beginning to cry. But Doug held him close, whispering, "You're alright, Tommy, I'm here… it's over… shh…"

Tom shook his head and cried, "It's all my fault, Doug – I'm so sorry, I'm – "

"Shh, Tom – what are you talking about? What's your fault?" Doug gently asked him, slowly pulling him back to look the other young man in the eyes.

"Everything. I could have somehow defended myself last night, and you wouldn't have to put up with any of this…"

Doug pulled Tom close again, tight against his own body as he replied, "But I love you more than anything, it would have hurt me if I _couldn't_ help you at all."

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of many police officers filing out of the courtroom, all armed and looking around the parking lot before they realized what had happened. Doug kept Tom turned away from everyone else, mostly because he knew that he didn't want everyone questioning him again. Gently, he lifted Tom up and opened the passenger's side door of the Mustang; Tom got in and Doug closed the door after him, turning around to face the crowd of people. He made eye contact with Fuller and was grateful when his Captain gestured for him to get in the car as well.

Doug walked around to the other side of the car and got in, not surprised to see Tom huddled in on himself, still shaking. His heart leapt into his chest as he saw his lover wipe away the tears on his face; he took off his jacket and placed it securely around Tom, not saying a word as he pulled out of the parking lot and drove home.

Doug had been sitting in the chair for the past hour, just thinking and keeping an eye on Tom as he slept. As soon as they had arrived home, Tom had practically fallen to the couch and turned so that he faced away from the room, pretending to fall asleep. But the older cop had heard the sharp intakes of breath and occasional sniffle. He didn't say anything about it. But the dark-haired cop was finally asleep now, and Doug resisted the urge to wake him up and comfort him with words he didn't know.

"Doug?"

Doug looked over at the couch, startled.

"Hey. You're awake," he said softly.

Tom nodded. "I'm sorry for not telling you anything and being distant over the last two weeks."

"Forget about it. I guess I just wanted to help with something you have to deal with yourself," Doug replied, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to his lover.

"I don't want to deal with this alone, but I… there's just so much I can't tell you, and it makes me feel like shit," Tom said, momentarily putting his hand over his eyes.

Doug took his lover's hand and said, "I understand, Tommy. You can tell me when you're ready."

He pulled Tom up and they hugged tightly.

"Thank you," the smaller male whispered, placing a chaste kiss on his lover's cheek.

They pulled apart, and Tom said, "I'm gonna go take a bath; my back's killing me… when he threw me against the car…"

Doug nodded. "Do you want me to get the bathroom ready for you?"

After Tom nodded his head yes, Doug made his way to the bathroom and began filling the tub with warm water. He retrieved two towels and put them on the toilet bowl, briefly stopping as he realized he hadn't ever seen what Jackson did to Tom's body. Would Tom want him to see?

"It's ready," he called out to Tom, turning off the water.

In a few moments, the younger officer walked into the bathroom. "Thanks," he smiled.

"Are the bruises still there from the first time?" Doug asked bluntly.

"Um, yeah," Tom said quietly, sounding self-conscious, "Some of them. Why?"

"Can I see?"

Making eye contact with his partner proved impossible, Tom realized. But he knew that he had to get over it somehow, so he pulled his shirt over his head and let it drop to the floor. He made slow work of pushing his pants down his hips and legs, but after they hit the floor, he was so aware of Doug's eyes studying him that he turned his head away completely. He reached for his boxers, wanting to get it over with. He eventually closed his eyes, feeling ashamed when he was finally undressed.

His breaths came in shallow, but he kept his eyes shut even when he heard his lover stand up and walk toward him. He felt Doug gently slide a hand over the bruise on his hip, the healing mark on his neck, and the big bruise on his back. Then, to his surprise, Doug drew him into a tight embrace.

Happiness spread through Tom's body at long last; true happiness that he hadn't felt over the past few weeks. He wound his arms around his lover's shoulders and lost himself in the feeling of the other man's hands gently caressing his back.

"I love you so much, Doug," he whispered.

They spent a few moments in that position, barely moving until Doug whispered, "I love you, too. And I'll wait for as long as it takes…"

Tom pulled back and gave him a sheepish look. "I'm sorr-"

"Damn, Tommy," Doug interrupted him, looking mildly amused; "I thought you were smart. You should know that I'd rather sit at home and watch a movie with you than have my pick of the most gorgeous supermodels in the world."

Tom rubbed the back of his neck, beginning to blush. "Really?" he asked.

Doug rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Ladies and gentlemen, he finally gets it!" He looked at Tom again. "Yes, of course. You're far prettier than any of them."

The dark-haired cop laughed lightly before lightly hitting his lover on the back of the head. "Oh, get out of here, Penhall. I have to get in the tub before the water gets cold."

After Doug left, it seemed that a permanent smile had attached itself to Tom's face. Maybe now things were finally working themselves out…


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"The accused will spend his recovery days in the infirmary in County Jail, and he will serve five years for attempt to distribute illegal drugs, sexual assault, and harassment."

The judge pounded his gavel upon the surface of the bench and stood, as did everyone in the court. Tom practically jumped down from the stand and ran to Doug, almost knocking him over and saying, "It's over, Doug… it's finally finished!"

"I know, Tommy," Doug replied happily, briefly lifting Tom off his feet and not caring who saw them.

The younger cop finally pulled away from his lover, smiling. The weight had completely vanished from his chest; he was worry-free, and he hadn't felt like that for a month now.

"Oh, what time is it?"

"Almost three, why?" Doug said, checking his watch.

"I have another appointment... can you drive me over?"

"So, Tom – how have you been doing?" Doctor Williams sat in his usual place, though Tom was still standing, gripping the back of his own chair.

"Good," he replied after a moment of thinking, "The case is closed. We had the final court date today."

"I heard. That's good news," the man said, nodding.

"And how are things going outside of work?"

The young man sighed, finally sitting down. "Better. I'm not so jumpy or short-tempered anymore."

The Doctor jotted down a note, looking up at Tom and asking, "And Doug?"

A small twinge of guilt made its presence in Tom's chest. He frowned, trying to fight it down.

"I still can't tell him everything," he admitted. "But I know I _should_ be able to –"

"Not necessarily," Doctor Williams said, "The amount of time always varies from person to person."

"I know he wants to help me, but… I don't want to tell him because I feel that he'll think I'm…" Tom struggled to find the right word.

The older man nodded, seemingly understanding. "Would you like me to tell you about a rather useful technique?"

Tom nodded, gesturing for the Doctor to continue.

"People often find that writing letters to their loved ones helps ease pressure. The letters aren't sent, so you can think of them as practice for what you'd actually say when the time comes."

"Could I try that?" Tom asked, taking an interest to the idea.

"I think that's an excellent idea, Tom."

_Dear Doug, _

_Please don't feel like you have to stick by me every day because of what happened. You don't have to feel responsible for me. I'm just afraid that if I tell you this, you'd take it as a sign that I don't love you anymore. _

_I'm having trouble telling you about what I'm going through because I'm ashamed of it. I feel spoiled and somehow dirty because of them, and I could never ask you to even touch me again. You don't deserve that. I want to tell you everything, everything that I felt over the last little while, because you're the only person in the world who could make it all go away, but I can't do that to you. I can't put that worry and stress on your shoulders when you already do so much for me._

_So that's why I'm writing this letter. You'll never read it, and Doc says it'll be good for me. _

_Ever since we were put on that case, you and I both noticed that __he__ took an interest in me. I saw how you tried to keep me away from him as much as possible, but that only made him angry. On occasions when I'd be at my locker in school, he always appeared and liked to mess with me for a bit. He never did anything more than push me against a locker or grope me, but I didn't tell you because I knew that your temper would get the better of you and you'd blow the case. But looking back on it, I guess I should have told you early on. That was one of my mistakes. _

_When everything happened… in the alleyway… I'd never felt more scared in my life, Doug. I couldn't get over the fact that these people were in control of me; they brought so much pain to me that I wanted to die in that dirty alley. For a few minutes, before you found me, I was praying that I could pass out before you saw my body because I didn't want to see the look on your face. I didn't want you to see what they'd done to me. _

_And you never left me. I figured nobody would want to be with me after it all, but for some reason, you did. And you seemed to care more and more for me each day. Why?_

_You are far too good to bear my troubles, Doug. But if you ask me to tell you everything, I will._

_Love, _

_Tom_

He sighed and put down his pen. It was strange; it felt as if he had spilled his heart out to a piece of paper, but it considerably eased the guilt he had been feeling. Still, not wanting Doug to accidentally find it, Tom folded up the paper and put it in a drawer in his bureau.

He picked up the pen again and stared at a new empty sheet of paper, and wrote,

_Dear Doug, _

_Why do you love me? _

He paused. So many times he'd wanted to ask that question… he and Doug weren't complete opposites, but it was rare that he saw a couple like them wandering around – a muscular, handsome cop together with a scrawny, geeky bowler, of all things.

His insecurities faded away whenever Doug made him feel special by getting him presents, cooking for him, taking him out, kissing him and holding him, and making love to him…

But everything had rushed back into his head over the past few weeks. The thought that Doug could leave him someday was horrifyingly heart wrenching. Even contemplating life without Doug brought tears to the young cop's eyes.

_I've never really told you, but you could do so much better than me. You could be with a hot supermodel guy (or girl), living the lifestyles of the rich and famous if you wanted to, instead of living with me in a small apartment and putting your life on the line every day. _

_I'm also afraid to tell you this because… well, you'll realize that I'm right. _

_But for whatever reason you're here with me… well, I have no idea. But thank you. You're making all the difference in the world to me by even putting up with the trouble I caused within the last month. _

_And I love you deeply, Douglas Penhall. More than I could ever dare to tell you. _

_Tom_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Hey Tommy, hurry it up with those beers!" Doug shouted to Tom from the living room. It was Sunday, and the game was about to start. But Tom still hadn't returned with the glasses for their beers.

Taking it upon himself to see what was taking his lover so long, Doug made his way into the kitchen, almost laughing at the sight of Tom kneeling on the kitchen counter, stretching up to reach two glasses on the highest shelf in the cabinet. He knew Tom hated to ask his help for things like that, but Doug just found it too cute. As he approached his lover, Tom slipped on the counter and suddenly fell backwards.

Doug quickly caught the other officer around the waist and swung him into his arms, smiling at his squeak of surprise.

"You have an awful bad habit of saving me, Penhall," Tom said, smiling.

Doug grinned and shifted Tom in his arms, trying to use one hand to tickle his side. "Can't help myself; you're my damsel in distress."

Tom giggled and wound his arms around Doug's shoulders, playfully trying to push him off. "What, are you calling me a _girl_?"

Their playfulness was cut short when they heard the commercial end and the sports announcer came back on.

"Okay, I'll go get the beers, and you get the chips. We left them in the bedroom when we were having the contest the other day," Tom said, laughing.

Doug smiled as he let Tom down. They'd had a contest to see how many chips they could fit into their mouths. Even though they were both more than twenty years old, the amount of games played in their apartment was astounding.

He walked into the bedroom, seeing the bag of chips under a stack of papers. He picked them up and made to put them aside when his name on the top sheet caught his attention. He looked at what was written, and his eyes widened.

_Dear Doug, _

_I want to tell you this when I feel I've gotten over it. When I feel that you won't draw away from me because of it, because I know you think I'm __ruined__ now._

_When I was in that alley, they punched me and kicked me, and they held me against the wall for him to touch me – _

Doug stopped reading suddenly, finding it hard to breathe. His worry and love for Tom was temporarily overweighed by rage at the group of criminals who had done this to him.

He looked back at the paper.

_- he licked and bit my neck and slid his hand into my pants before ripping my clothes off me. _

That was enough. Doug took the paper and threw it to the floor, looking at the next sheet, also filled with writing.

_I'm ashamed of it. I feel spoiled and somehow dirty because of them, and I could never ask you to even touch me again. You don't deserve that._

His eyes filled with tears as he grasped the reason Tom had pushed him away. Because he thought he was dirty and spoiled now.

_I couldn't get over the fact that these people were in control of me; they brought so much pain to me that I wanted to die in that dirty alley._

Doug put his head in his hands and fought back the urge to just curl up and cry at the thought of Tom, the mort important person in his life, being hurt like that. But he couldn't. He knew he had to be strong for his lover because that's what Tom needed at the moment.

He sniffled a little and leafed through the papers, finding various letters written for Tom's mother, Judy, Harry, and Fuller, until he came to a few more addressed to him.

_I've never really told you, but you could do so much better than me…_

_But for whatever reason you're here with me… well, I have no idea. But thank you._

His heart had swelled with emotion at these proclamations, but the very last part of the letter almost made him cry again.

_And I love you deeply, Douglas Penhall. More than I could ever dare to tell you._

He quickly stood, holding the letters in his hands, and made his way to the living room where Tom was sitting on the couch watching the game.

Doug couldn't believe that the man in front of him had endured so much, and looked so calm. The dark-haired cop didn't take notice of his lover until Doug moved forward. Tom's gaze flicked to the letters, and his eyes widened in surprise and panic.

"Doug, I can –"

"I finally get it," Doug interrupted him firmly. He sat next to the younger cop and put the letters down on the table.

They sat there silently, each lost in his own thoughts. But when Tom finally opened his mouth to speak, his voice faltered and he looked away from Doug again.

"Please…" Doug began helplessly, "Tom, don't you ever think that I don't love you because of what happened. If anything, I love you more because I want to take care of you…"

The other officer turned towards him and murmured, "That's what I'm trying to understand. I'm trying so hard to make myself believe that you won't think I'm…"

"I don't think you're dirty or spoiled," Doug whispered, holding out his arms and pulling Tom into his lap. "Don't think that I don't like kissing you anymore because, trust me, Tommy, _nothin'_ could make me not kiss you."

At that, Tom finally smiled and turned his face towards his lover's.

"Really, Doug?" he asked, eyes shining.

In response, Doug leant forward slightly and pressed their lips together. Immediately, he felt his body respond at the touch of Tom's soft lips on his. It had been so long…

Tom wrapped his arms around the other man's neck and opened his mouth slightly, allowing Doug entry. They moved slowly, not wanting to wreck all the progress they had made.

Within minutes, Tom had grown comfortable enough with the situation and realized how much he had missed his lover. They pulled away from each other, silently telling each other that everything was going to be okay before Doug's arms tightened around Tom's waist and they fell into another kiss.


	10. Chapter 10Epilogue

Chapter 10 Epilogue

Chapter 10 Epilogue

Tom had lain awake for hours after Doug fell asleep, thinking about how much time he'd spent worrying about his and Doug's relationship. It seemed they'd been given a second chance; something had prevented Tom from closing off completely, and he was glad for it.

"I love you, Doug," he whispered, feeling tears sting his eyes. He held them back; he'd cried a little when they were making love earlier, and could have died of embarrassment. But Doug only pulled him closer and kissed him.

Tom put his head on his lover's chest, comforted by everything about the other man – the steady way his chest rose and fell as he breathed, the way his arms enveloped Tom, his smile, how he made all his problems disappear…

He smiled gratefully. He couldn't have gotten through this without Doug; he simply wasn't strong enough to handle it the right way. But Doug made him stronger somehow.

"Thank you," he whispered, pressing his lips against Doug's chest before getting comfortable and closing his eyes, letting sleep take him as well.


End file.
